Use The L.A.D.D.E.R. Technique

This is a step-by-step way to become more assertive.

L – Look at your needs, wants, rights, and feelings about the situation.

A – Arrange a meeting that is convenient for you and the other person to talk.

D – Define the problem clearly to the other person.

D – Describe your feelings using “I messages.” I message statements let you take charge of your feelings.

E – Express your needs and desires in an assertive manner using a few clear sentences. Be aware of your eye contact, hand gestures, posture, voice, and facial expression.

R – Reinforce your remarks by saying what positive outcomes will occur for you and the other person.

Example:

L – I wish my partner would stop stocking the pantry with a food I tend to over-eat when it is available.

A – I’ll plan to talk with him or her after dinner tomorrow.

D – Tell your partner, “When cookies are in the pantry, it is hard for me to have just one. I appreciate the treat, but this makes it harder for me to stick with my goal.”

D – “I feel I could stick with my goals with your help.”

E – “Let’s keep cookies off the grocery list. I am starting to enjoy fruit as a sweet treat. Let’s get that instead! Also, a hug would be a wonderful treat from you!”

R – “This change would help me to reach my goal. As I lose weight, I am able to do more physical activity comfortably. Let’s plan a hike together this weekend!”