Be Assertive 2

Learn the differences between passive, aggressive, and assertive communication.

Passive

*  You lack expression for yourself.

*  You do not stand up for your rights and needs.

Result: You usually do not achieve your goal. You may feel like someone is walking all over you.

Aggressive

*  You stand up for your rights and needs, but at the expense of someone else.

Result: You usually put down or hurt someone else. You gain no respect and may even start a conflict.

Assertive

*  You stand up for your rights and needs without putting down or hurting someone else.

Result: You build self-respect and feel good about yourself. You are likely to achieve your goal.

Example

Your co-worker offers you a cigarette, saying that you can have just one, even though you recently quit. This person wants to smoke with you for old time’s sake. You know this could send you back to using tobacco.

Passive Response:“All right, I’ll have a cigarette with you, but just this one.”

Aggressive Response:“You really have some nerve offering me a cigarette. I hate cigarettes and I think it’s disgusting that you smoke. You should smell your breath. Don’t ever come near me with a cigarette again.”

Assertive Response:“No, thank you. I have quit smoking and I plan to stay that way. Even one can trigger my old addiction. You can help me remain an ex-smoker by not offering me any.”