HealthyLife Articles

Tag: boundaries

  • Care For The Caregiver

    FAMILY LIFE

    Image of caregiver.

    Stress, anxiety, and burnout are never far from the doorsteps of millions of Americans who are caregivers as they often juggle the responsibilities of providing daily care for a loved one with dementia or another condition with the added demands of working, maintaining a household, or raising children.

    Too often caregivers don’t know how to ask for help, and friends and family members aren’t sure of how to lend a hand.

    “Caregivers will say ‘no’ when offered help because they worry it will reflect poorly on them or because they ‘don’t want to bother’ others. And some caregivers get so attached to their role that they just can’t let go,” said Nancy Alterman, a licensed clinical social worker with the New Jersey Institute for Successful Aging at the UMDNJ-School of Osteopathic Medicine.

    If you know a family member or close friend who is a caregiver, Alterman offers the following suggestions to help ease that person’s burden.

    *  Be sensitive about visiting by calling ahead to schedule a time that is convenient. But if the caregiver routinely declines offers of a visit, you may need to just show up with special foods or an easy activity like a puzzle.

    *  Avoid bringing a crowd, but visiting with at least one other person gives the caregiver a chance to go out with a friend, knowing that another trusted person is there for the patient’s needs.

    *  Instead of asking, “What can I do?” offer to grocery shop, go to the post office, do laundry or cook a meal that you can bring over.

    *  Be a good listener. Whether in person or by phone, sometimes just having a contact to the outside world is all the caregiver needs to help cope with that day’s burden.

    *  Be alert for signs of caregiver stress, such as denial, social withdrawal, sleeplessness, or lack of concentration.

    *  Offer to spend the night so the caregiver can get some rest. Lack of sleep can quickly lead to a deteriorating situation or a health crisis. Make sure the caregiver and the patient are discussing any sleep issues with their doctors.

    *  Research adult medical day services in your community and share that information with the caregiver. These medically supervised programs can actually help extend the time that the patient can remain at home.

    © American Institute for Preventive Medicine

  • Caregivers: Take Time For Yourself

    FAMILY LIFE

    Image of elderly female in wheechair with two caregivers.

    There’s no doubt: caregiving is a stressful job. If you help take care of an aging, ill, or disabled loved one, you are a caregiver. And although caregiving may take up a lot of your time, you need to make time for yourself too, says the Family Caregiving Alliance.

    If you’ve been trying to juggle caregiving with your other commitments, it’s time to take a moment and think about your own needs. If you keep doing things for others without taking time for yourself, your health and entire life could suffer. Caregivers of all ages can be prone to the following problems:

    *  Depression or anxiety

    *  High stress levels

    *  Poor quality sleep or not sleeping enough

    *  Unhealthy diet choices

    *  Lack of exercise

    *  Not getting needed health care for themselves

    *  Financial problems

    *  Feeling isolated and alone

    These factors together can create health and personal problems. Before you reach the point of burnout, try to find a way to get a break from caregiving. Think about what would relax you and help you recharge. Is it a lunch date with a friend? An aerobics or yoga class? A walk through the park? A soak in the tub? Whatever it is, you deserve the time to do it.

    How to find the time

    Not sure how to find time for yourself? Talk to others who can help out. Ask friends, neighbors, or family members to step in for just an hour or two so you can have a break. Or, if you can, have your loved one spend some time at an adult day care or respite center. If others have offered to help in any way, learn how to say, “Yes, that would be great,” and accept their offer. Many caregivers mistakenly think they need to do it all themselves – don’t!

    Many people feel guilty leaving their loved one for even a short while. But remember, you need to recharge yourself so you can be the best caregiver possible. You’re doing it for others just as much as for yourself.

    Talk to others

    Many caregiver support groups are available online and in local communities. Connecting with others who understand can go a long way in helping you feel better. The local Area Agency on Aging (AAA) is a good place to start. Some support groups are online, while others offer in-person meetings. Choose what is right for you.

    Remember:Taking time for you is not being selfish. It’s a necessity. You deserve some time to take care of your own needs. It will allow you to be the best you can be in all areas of your life.

    © American Institute for Preventive Medicine

  • Difficult People In The Workplace

    WORK LIFE

    Image of a business man looking off the distance.

    A manager rushes into his employee’s office at 4:30 p.m., drops a pile of papers on her desk, and barks, “I need these read, edited, and finalized by 8:30 a.m.”

    A woman calls in sick. She is shivering, coughing, and has a fever.  Her supervisor screams, “I don’t care what illness you have. If you’re not in the office today, I’ll take it as your resignation!”

    These are real examples of workplace bullying that cause stress, depression, and anxiety. The National Mental Health Association estimates that each year more than one billion sick days can be due to mental health disorders caused by work stress. That’s $193 billion a year in lost earnings.

    Psychology Professor Katerina Bezrukova studies the psychological effect of workplace injustices and intergroup relations at Santa Clara University.

    She says there are 4 kinds of co-workers and supervisors to look out for:

    1.Narcissistic.These types have fragile self-esteem. They may become outraged when someone challenges them. Bezrukova says avoid criticizing them. Document your own work, too, so you have a record of everything you do.

    2.Aggressive.To them, everyone is a predator or prey. That’s why they like to intimidate others and even bully them. They also tend to act frantic when a project comes in or a deadline is fast approaching. Bezrukova advises victims to stay out of the way. If they can, show them how management-by-hysteria can be inefficient.

    3.Rigid.These types won’t try anything new. They manage with viewpoint of “It’s my way or the highway.” This stems from fears of being pushed around. Bezrukova says let them feel like they are a part of the decision.

    4.Impaired.These people have ADD, anxiety, depression, burnout, or substance abuse issues. They need professional help. Employee Assistance Programs or other kinds of intervention are best.

    “People, who suffer from a workplace injustice of some sort, develop anger, frustration, anxiety, insomnia, headaches. These relationships, coupled with the connection between long-term, chronic psychological distress and increased risk of physical health problems such as cardiovascular disease, make this a crucial dollars and cents issue for business,” says Bezrukova.

    © American Institute for Preventive Medicine

  • Parenting A Teen

    FAMILY LIFE

    Image of mother and daughter talking.

    It’s not easy parenting a teen. Your teen’s brain is still developing until about age 25, according to the National Institutes of Health. These are areas that control judgment, decision making, and impulse control. What’s a frustrated parent to do? NIH News in Health suggests these actions:

    *  Respect your teen’s opinions. Nonjudgmental communication shows your love.

    *  Be honest and direct with your teen when talking about sensitive subjects such as drugs, drinking, smoking, and sex.

    *  Respect your teen’s privacy.

    *  Have meals together.

    *  Help your teen make healthy choices and plan ahead for difficult situations.

    *  Meet and get to know your teen’s friends.

    *  Compliment your teen and celebrate your child’s efforts and accomplishments.

    *  Limit time your teen uses video games, texting, and instant messaging.

    © American Institute for Preventive Medicine

  • Politics & Family: Agree To Disagree

    FAMILY LIFE

    Image of family around the dinner table.

    Politics can be hard to discuss. Often, the conversations turn into arguments or people getting upset because the other person doesn’t agree. When we feel strongly about something, it’s normal to want others to see our side of things.

    Family gatherings are common during the holidays. And, sometimes politics or touchy subjects come up, even when we try to avoid them. How do you handle it when you’re trying to keep the peace?

    *Find common ground.Even if you disagree about something, there’s probably areas where you both agree. For instance, you may have different opinions on gun control. But, you both agree you want your kids to be safe.

    *Don’t attack.Using insults or strong language can damage relationships. Remember that words have the power to harm others. State your point without hurting the other person or showing disrespect by calling them names.

    *Be prepared.If you know that Uncle Tim always says something that offends you, be ready. Think about how you can take deep breaths before responding. Sometimes, it’s better to walk away or change the subject, rather than argue.

    *Know that you probably won’t change the other person’s mind.When we care about something, we want others to agree. We want them to support our views. But, it may be best to accept that no matter how good your argument is, the other person may not change their view.

    *Think about a positive goal.Use disagreements to learn how others feel about something. Be open-minded and listen to their side.

    *Find other things to do.Remember that family gatherings are supposed to bring people together. Plan a fun family game or activity. This can keep people away from having tense discussions.

    *Be okay with different views.You can care about someone and have different views from them. Tell yourself it is okay to agree to disagree.

    *End the discussion when needed.Sometimes, people keep arguing because they’re trying to find a resolution. But, a resolution isn’t always possible. Instead, tell the person you appreciate their views, but you think it’s best to move on. Ask them about their personal interests or job. Share a funny story. Do something to break the tension and stop talking about the disagreement.

    Source: American Psychological Association

    © American Institute for Preventive Medicine

  • Talking To Teens About Alcohol

    FAMILY LIFE

    Image of mother talking to her teen daughter.

    It’s not always easy, but it’s important to talk to your teenage children about the dangers of underage drinking. It can result in violence, sexual assault, brain development problems and even serious injury or death.

    According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 35 percent of 15-year-olds have had at least one drink in their lives. Even if your child has never tried alcohol, many teens deal with peer pressure and need to know how to say no. Talking with your child may help prepare them to deal with these situations.

    The National Institutes of Health recommends the following tips for talking with your teen about drinking:

    *  Have open conversations about alcohol. Remain calm and answer questions honestly.

    *  Anytime the subject of alcohol comes up, use it as a chance to talk about it again. The message to avoid alcohol needs to be repeated.

    *  Tell your child about the dangers of alcohol. These include harming the body and brain and putting them in dangerous situations. Tell them underage drinking is against the law.

    *  Try “what if” situations. Ask them, “What if James asks you to try just a sip of beer?” Have them practice their response.

    *  Stress they should never get in a car with a person who has been drinking, even if they “just had one drink.” Alcohol affects teens differently than adults.

    © American Institute for Preventive Medicine

  • Turn Off, Tune In

    FAMILY LIFE

    Image of family sitting on couch watching TV.

    Parents, turn off the television when your children are with you. And when you do let them watch TV, make sure the programs stimulate their interest in learning.

    That’s the advice arising from University of Iowa researchers who examined the impact of television and parenting on children’s social and emotional development.

    The researchers found that background television-when the TV is on in a room where a child is doing something other than watching-can divert a child’s attention from play and learning. It also found that non-educational programs can negatively affect children’s mental development.

    Best advice:Sit down and watch a TV show. When it’s over, turn off the TV.

    © American Institute for Preventive Medicine

  • Balancing Work & Caregiving

    WORK LIFE

    Women pushing man in wheelchair through the lawn.

    Many people have to care for a loved one and work outside the home. Doing both of these things can be challenging. If you’re having trouble with your dual role, you’re not alone. There are some things you can do to help make things easier.

    First, try to take care of yourself. Find time for exercise, relaxation or getting out. Self-care is important for caregivers!

    Be open with your supervisor

    Having a talk with your supervisor may help relieve stress. You can get your challenges out in the open.

    Find out if they have suggestions that could help you. Maybe you have some ideas of how you can get your job done while still meeting your caregiving responsibilities. If so, share them!

    Check into policies and programs

    Your workplace may have some policies or programs that can help you. Some examples include:

    *Employee assistance programs.Many employers have resources to help their employees deal with challenges. They may have counseling services or can help you find services in your community.

    *Flexibility with hours.Depending on your job, you may be able to work different hours. Talk with your supervisor or human resources department if this would work for you.

    *Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA).Under FMLA, some employees are able to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave to care for a loved one. You have to meet certain qualifications for this, so ask your human resources department about the details.

    Consider other options

    Caregiving can be difficult. Some people find that they need to use some caregiving services. These services can be life-changing if you work and need some extra help. You may want to check out:

    *Local Area Agency on Aging.This organization can help you locate programs and services that can help you. Go towww.acl.govto learn about U.S. programs for aging people.

    *Adult day care.These centers can provide social interaction for your loved one while you work. Some of them may also provide meals, personal care and medical care.

    *Help from others.Some people ask for caregiving help from a neighbor, family member or friend. You may also hire a nurse or home care aide to come in and help when needed.

    Source: American Academy of Family Physicians

    © American Institute for Preventive Medicine