This is a step-by-step way to become more assertive.
L:Look at your needs, wants, rights, and feelings about the situation.
A:Arrange a meeting that is convenient for you and the other person to talk.
D:Define the problem clearly to the other person.
D:Describe your feelings using “I messages.” I message statements let you take charge of your feelings. The other person is less likely to get defensive.
E:Express your needs and desires in an assertive manner using a few clear sentences. Be aware of your eye contact, hand gestures, posture, voice, and facial expression.
R:Reinforce your remarks by saying what positive outcomes will occur for you and the other person.
Example:
L:I could use support from my close co-worker while I’m quitting vaping and I don’t want him to give me a hard time.
A:I’ll arrange to speak to him first thing tomorrow.
D:“Jack, I’m trying to quit and can really benefit from your support. I want to be able to take breaks with you, but it’s tough for me to do that if you offer me your vape.”
D:“I feel like I could really achieve my goal with your help. Quitting is really important to me.”
E:“I would like to take a walk with you instead of vaping, if you will join me. Or, we’ll have to catch up after work. Standing next to you while you vape is tough for me right now.”
R:“I love getting away from hectic stuff at work by taking a break with you. I think taking a walk will help us both clear our heads and feel more ready to tackle the rest of the day.”